The sex mistakes men make most often
1. Men assume that women have lower desire than men.Tracey:
Men think they have a stronger sex drive than women do, but in most
cases they’re wrong. The reason why men remain the main sexual
instigators isn’t just to do with desire. Other factors have a big
influence. Women are more likely to do the housework on top of holding
down a job, so we’re more tired. Hormones also influence our libido,
which means our sex drive is less constant. We’re likely to feel like
lots of sex at a particular time, rather than all of the time. We also
tend to attach more emotions to sex, so if our partner’s being a right
so-and-so out of bed, we aren’t going to want to jump in one with him!
Finally, there’s evidence that while men are aroused by the thought of
sex, women are more aroused by sensation. This basically means we might be a bit lackluster at the start, but heat up nicely once things get going.
Walk the Walk
Throw open the front door (well, maybe not too violently in case he's hovering behind it) and carelessly throw your handbag in a corner. If he's not already sitting expectantly on the couch, order him there. Then simply parade about a bit, strutting your stuff. Mentally visualize a figure of eight and make your hips follow. Place one foot directly in front of the other when you walk, and you'll see how easy it is! Chest out. Head up. Think proud and sassy. It's all about attitude! (And OK, you're allowed one rather large gulp of champagne).
Play with Your "Penis"
No, I've not gone nuts. Your scarf — the modern girl's equivalent to the feather boa — is your phallic object. Treat it as you would him: sometimes rough, sometimes gentle. Run it seductively through your hands, then over your shoulders and from side to side, arching your back at the same time (stomach in, breasts out). Scarves are great props: Use it as a blindfold, put it around his neck to draw him close, use it later to tie him up (but only if he's been a good boy
Remove Your Jacket
As an Object of Teasing the jacket comes off very, very, v-e-r-r-r-y-y-y slowly. With your back to him, look back over your shoulder. Unbutton the jacket, then shrug your shoulder sexily so it slides down in one motion. Remove one arm at a time but DON'T drop it! This is what separates the professional from the amateur: A real stripper will keep the jacket covering her bra and breasts with both hands and... then turn around to face him. Remove the jacket from your breasts with one hand and drop it to the floor.
Off Goes the Skirt
Again, with your back to him, look over your shoulder. Unzip your skirt as slowly as possible, sticking your butt out and arching your back. The skirt should be off in one quick, smooth motion. Once it's on the floor, step out of it and leave it there. A word of warning to the clumsy (like me): It's easy to get it caught around your ankles, do an ungainly dance, then topple in an undignified, humiliated heap — which is why one gulp of bubbly is good for the courage, but more is a bad idea.
And the High-Heeled Shoes
Slip-on mules aren't optional, they're de rigueur. There's not really an elegant way to remove your shoes, but the whole effect is instantly ruined if you're having to stop, lean over and fiddle with straps. (I don't care how gorgeous they are or how thin they make your ankles look, you're NOT allowed to wear them!) Simply lift your leg up behind you, lean down and use your hand to remove the shoe in as "ladylike" a way as possible.
Slide Off Your Stockings
Position yourself side-on, maintaining eye contact, and put one leg up on a chair. Undo the garter belt first (obviously), then roll down the stockings using both hands, one on each side of your leg. Keep it nice and slow — the idea is, your hands are his hands. Keep rolling down until your hands are on your ankle. (Butt high in the air, of course!) Once you've slipped the stocking off your heel, remove it from your foot with finger and thumb, then use it as a prop to drape around his neck, swishing it past his nose so that he can smell the scent of your skin on the stockings.
Ping the Garter Belt
These don't look so hot without stockings attached, so get rid of yours right after the stockings have been removed. Simply unclip and ping them across the room with as much finesse as you can possibly muster! And hopefully without removing one of his eyes.
Braless and Brazen
Stripping for him is a little like unwrapping a present when the prize inside is you. Every time you peel off a piece of clothing, he's closer to seeing what's hidden inside, so draw this one out as much as possible. Face him, then shrug the straps off nice and slowly. Turn around, look over your shoulder (maintaining eye contact) and undo the bra but hold it over your breasts. Now turn to face him (a suitable wicked expression on your face) and with one arm across your chest, holding the bra in place, use your other hand to pull the bra out from beneath, nice and slowly. Drop the bra but keep one arm still covering your breasts. Then take it away, stroking your fingers across each breast as you go. Now's when you go into full stripper mode: back arched, breasts out. Play with and touch them, lifting them in both hands, kneading the nipples. Make like Demi in Striptease
Next — the Undies!
OK, the idea is to remove your panties porn-star style, instead of yanking them down as if you're going to pee. Whatever you do, don't have your legs together for this one or you really will look like you're about to plant your bottom on the nearest toilet seat. Keep one leg in front of the other with your heel lifted. Got the stance? Get ready for the finale! Put your hands (palms facing legs) completely inside the straps at the side so you're lifting them up and away from your legs. Give him a side-on view, then slide your hands and panties down your body, keeping them lifted away from your body. As your hands move down, your body follows. Once your undies are past your knees, they should fall down to your feet. Now for the final (and hardest) part. If you thought stepping out of your skirt was hard, stepping elegantly out of a teensy-weensy, all-curled-up-like-a-rubber-band thong is a nightmare. The best advice Amy can give: Take it slow and step out one foot at a time.
Take a Victory Lap
The temptation is to rush over and hide in his. Don't. Parade around, touching and caressing your body until he can't take it anymore — and needs to take you instead.
Ian:
These are the same guys who think foreplay is a peck on the lips and a
hand down the pants. If guys actually took the time to understand and
nurture female desire, they’d be surprised at the strength of its force.
2. Men assume that all women want romance, not raunch.
Tracey: I always find it quite amusing when I ask men what they think women want in bed because they nearly always put a romantic spin on it. Well, we’re not the pure, innocent little creatures you think we are. Women can be just as naughty as men. In fact, a recent study proved that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Flick through a Nancy Friday book about female fantasies next time you’re browsing the bookstores. She got women worldwide to send her their personal favorites and, believe me, they aren’t about men on white horses and romantic walks along the beach!
Tracey: I always find it quite amusing when I ask men what they think women want in bed because they nearly always put a romantic spin on it. Well, we’re not the pure, innocent little creatures you think we are. Women can be just as naughty as men. In fact, a recent study proved that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Flick through a Nancy Friday book about female fantasies next time you’re browsing the bookstores. She got women worldwide to send her their personal favorites and, believe me, they aren’t about men on white horses and romantic walks along the beach!
Ian:
Women have as much of a naughty wild side as men. The cliché is that
men are lights-on, women are lights-off in the bedroom, but sex is
multidimensional and it’s all about having a dimmer switch that goes
from romance to raunch.
3. Men assume that women want guys to look and perform like porn stars.Tracey:
I think men make the mistake thinking porn sex is real sex. It’s not!
Men in porn are chosen because they aren’t the norm. They’re larger than
life, if you get my drift. Quite frankly, faced with what they have in
real life, most women’s eyes would water! We don’t want that, and we
don’t want men to behave like they do in porn films. They work their way
through the Kama Sutra in about five minutes. In real life, that’s just
boring. It doesn’t impress us if he changes positions all the time.
What does impress us is a guy who takes time to work out what we need to
get turned on. It’s not about the positions — that’s often the least
interesting part of sex for women!
Ian:
A guy can’t get through the day without seeing an ad for an erectile
stimulant, getting spam about some sort of penis enlargement pill, or
hearing sexual tall tales from the guys in the locker-room. We live in
an age where a lot of guys feel like they have to make love like porn
stars, and with all the cultural reinforcement, it’s hard to believe
otherwise.
4. Men assume that if they’re ready for sex, she’s ready for sex.Tracey:
The male and female sexual systems are different: men get aroused much
quicker; women take time. Just because he’s ready for sex doesn’t mean
she is! This is the single, biggest mistake even experienced male lovers
make. They underestimate how long women take to orgasm. The statistic
most cited for oral sex (which is the fastest, most direct route) is 20
minutes. Most men can climax in about two minutes! And not just that, we
need time to get warmed up for sex so we’re physically prepared for it.
Foreplay isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity!
Ian:
Guys cycle very quickly through the process of arousal. A guy
experiences a sexual moment and presto! He’s ready for sex. There’s an
instant connection between arousal and the desire for sex, and guys
assume that women are experiencing the same thing. So to all the guys:
Take your assumptions, add 15 minutes of foreplay.
You've probably thought about stripping for your guy, and surely the thought has crossed his
mind. So before you walk the walk, get some straight talk and insider
tips from author and iVillage sex expert Tracey Cox. In this excerpt
from her book Supersex, Tracey tells you everything you need to know to tease him like a pro. So grab your highest heels and get ready to rumble.
Is your stripping for him his ultimate fantasy? Is the Pope Catholic? I made all my male friends read the instructions that follow and asked, "If your girlfriend did this for you, would you be impressed?" "Impressed?!!" spluttered my friend Sean, "I'd be on my knees if a girl did this for me." (To propose, by the way.) I enlisted the help of an expert on this one. The gorgeous Amy Bateman is a London-based dancer, stripper and teacher of both arts. She helped put together this idiot-proof stripping routine (and yes, she does get asked out a lot).
The Top Titillating Stripping Moves
Set the scene for seduction by e-mailing or calling your partner earlier in the day. His instructions: to buy champagne and have it on ice by the time you get home. When you're 10 minutes away from the house, call again and ask him to put on your chosen CD (time it so the right song will be playing when you walk in the door), turn the lights down a little and plunk his bottom on the sofa. Then take a deep breath and prepare to...
Is your stripping for him his ultimate fantasy? Is the Pope Catholic? I made all my male friends read the instructions that follow and asked, "If your girlfriend did this for you, would you be impressed?" "Impressed?!!" spluttered my friend Sean, "I'd be on my knees if a girl did this for me." (To propose, by the way.) I enlisted the help of an expert on this one. The gorgeous Amy Bateman is a London-based dancer, stripper and teacher of both arts. She helped put together this idiot-proof stripping routine (and yes, she does get asked out a lot).
The Top Titillating Stripping Moves
Set the scene for seduction by e-mailing or calling your partner earlier in the day. His instructions: to buy champagne and have it on ice by the time you get home. When you're 10 minutes away from the house, call again and ask him to put on your chosen CD (time it so the right song will be playing when you walk in the door), turn the lights down a little and plunk his bottom on the sofa. Then take a deep breath and prepare to...
Throw open the front door (well, maybe not too violently in case he's hovering behind it) and carelessly throw your handbag in a corner. If he's not already sitting expectantly on the couch, order him there. Then simply parade about a bit, strutting your stuff. Mentally visualize a figure of eight and make your hips follow. Place one foot directly in front of the other when you walk, and you'll see how easy it is! Chest out. Head up. Think proud and sassy. It's all about attitude! (And OK, you're allowed one rather large gulp of champagne).
Play with Your "Penis"
No, I've not gone nuts. Your scarf — the modern girl's equivalent to the feather boa — is your phallic object. Treat it as you would him: sometimes rough, sometimes gentle. Run it seductively through your hands, then over your shoulders and from side to side, arching your back at the same time (stomach in, breasts out). Scarves are great props: Use it as a blindfold, put it around his neck to draw him close, use it later to tie him up (but only if he's been a good boy
Remove Your Jacket
As an Object of Teasing the jacket comes off very, very, v-e-r-r-r-y-y-y slowly. With your back to him, look back over your shoulder. Unbutton the jacket, then shrug your shoulder sexily so it slides down in one motion. Remove one arm at a time but DON'T drop it! This is what separates the professional from the amateur: A real stripper will keep the jacket covering her bra and breasts with both hands and... then turn around to face him. Remove the jacket from your breasts with one hand and drop it to the floor.
Off Goes the Skirt
Again, with your back to him, look over your shoulder. Unzip your skirt as slowly as possible, sticking your butt out and arching your back. The skirt should be off in one quick, smooth motion. Once it's on the floor, step out of it and leave it there. A word of warning to the clumsy (like me): It's easy to get it caught around your ankles, do an ungainly dance, then topple in an undignified, humiliated heap — which is why one gulp of bubbly is good for the courage, but more is a bad idea.
And the High-Heeled Shoes
Slip-on mules aren't optional, they're de rigueur. There's not really an elegant way to remove your shoes, but the whole effect is instantly ruined if you're having to stop, lean over and fiddle with straps. (I don't care how gorgeous they are or how thin they make your ankles look, you're NOT allowed to wear them!) Simply lift your leg up behind you, lean down and use your hand to remove the shoe in as "ladylike" a way as possible.
Slide Off Your Stockings
Position yourself side-on, maintaining eye contact, and put one leg up on a chair. Undo the garter belt first (obviously), then roll down the stockings using both hands, one on each side of your leg. Keep it nice and slow — the idea is, your hands are his hands. Keep rolling down until your hands are on your ankle. (Butt high in the air, of course!) Once you've slipped the stocking off your heel, remove it from your foot with finger and thumb, then use it as a prop to drape around his neck, swishing it past his nose so that he can smell the scent of your skin on the stockings.
Ping the Garter Belt
These don't look so hot without stockings attached, so get rid of yours right after the stockings have been removed. Simply unclip and ping them across the room with as much finesse as you can possibly muster! And hopefully without removing one of his eyes.
Braless and Brazen
Stripping for him is a little like unwrapping a present when the prize inside is you. Every time you peel off a piece of clothing, he's closer to seeing what's hidden inside, so draw this one out as much as possible. Face him, then shrug the straps off nice and slowly. Turn around, look over your shoulder (maintaining eye contact) and undo the bra but hold it over your breasts. Now turn to face him (a suitable wicked expression on your face) and with one arm across your chest, holding the bra in place, use your other hand to pull the bra out from beneath, nice and slowly. Drop the bra but keep one arm still covering your breasts. Then take it away, stroking your fingers across each breast as you go. Now's when you go into full stripper mode: back arched, breasts out. Play with and touch them, lifting them in both hands, kneading the nipples. Make like Demi in Striptease
Next — the Undies!
OK, the idea is to remove your panties porn-star style, instead of yanking them down as if you're going to pee. Whatever you do, don't have your legs together for this one or you really will look like you're about to plant your bottom on the nearest toilet seat. Keep one leg in front of the other with your heel lifted. Got the stance? Get ready for the finale! Put your hands (palms facing legs) completely inside the straps at the side so you're lifting them up and away from your legs. Give him a side-on view, then slide your hands and panties down your body, keeping them lifted away from your body. As your hands move down, your body follows. Once your undies are past your knees, they should fall down to your feet. Now for the final (and hardest) part. If you thought stepping out of your skirt was hard, stepping elegantly out of a teensy-weensy, all-curled-up-like-a-rubber-band thong is a nightmare. The best advice Amy can give: Take it slow and step out one foot at a time.
Take a Victory Lap
The temptation is to rush over and hide in his. Don't. Parade around, touching and caressing your body until he can't take it anymore — and needs to take you instead.
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